Author: Carolyn Gard

A friend of mine told me that the pandemic has made her feel like an old woman. She used to be active, she used to take care of her house, she used to go out. Now she just sits at home. This friend had a double whammy–her husband died a year ago, so she has no one to talk to at home.

Fortunately, I have my husband here so I have someone to talk to and share concerns with, but every once in a while, I want to get out by myself. I want to find someone else to talk with, or just to smile at (not that anyone can see my smiles these days). I can’t be the only one who has thought this from time to time.

But in ways, this pandemic has made me, too, feel like an old woman. I think of all the things that I was going to do during this time and didn’t do: read – and understand – ‘A Brief History of Time’ by Stephen Hawking, learn German, finish my knitting projects, clean up the basement. So many things are so easy to put off.

I almost put off going to the vesper service on Sunday. It was cold, we were close to the fire evacuation zone, it was smoky, no one would miss me if I didn’t go. But I went, and was very glad I did. It was a chance to talk half-face to half-face with others, a chance to laugh together, a chance to be as one as we listened to poetry and music, a chance to pray together.

I needed a push on Sunday, a push to get out of the house and be with others. A push to get out of my comfort zone. A push to stop being an old woman. I realized that God is constantly pushing us, pushing us to do better, pushing us to love others, pushing us to be our best. There’s only so much pushing that God will do; at some point, we have to respond to that pushing.

So, back to reading ‘A Brief History of Time.’ I may need more of a shove than a push.

God, even though we don’t always respond, we want you to keep pushing us.

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