Author: Stephanie Angell
It is not happiness that makes us grateful. It’s gratefulness that makes us happy. David Steindl-Rast
Joy is the simplest form of gratitude. Karl Barth
Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. First Thessalonians 5:16-18
I first learned about a gratitude list when I got into recovery from alcoholism. It’s a common tool we use to center ourselves with our Higher Power and to let go of not only our self-will but our notion of control over other people, places, or things. It is also a tool for me and women new to the program to get off our own “pity pot” and look at what we can change within ourselves, and not in what we want to control in others. The only things I have control over are my words, actions, attitude, perspective, focus, effort, and energy.
Alcoholism and addiction – especially to marijuana – are both quickly growing problems in our country and they are difficult for others to understand. There are those who will still judge someone with this disease as if it is a moral issue; however, we don’t judge the diabetic or the person with cancer, both life-changing conditions, like we do with addiction. It may be the only disease people are mad at you for having and it’s especially tough because it’s a family disease. My first husband once said to me when I returned home from a recovery meeting, that he didn’t like it when I got sober because it made him look at his own issues.
My strong belief in God began in childhood and during talks with my Dad about his faith, but I didn’t have a deeprelationship with God until I came into recovery and learned how to form that relationship. The 12 steps are very much exactly what the Bible and Christ’s teachings tell us about how to be an instrument of peace and a messenger of love that the Creative Intelligence or Spirit of the Universe want for us. When I tried to be the director of my own life using my own self will, it always turned out to be disastrous. But when I found principles by which to live, and surrendered myself to a life directed more from my Higher Power then from my own self will, everything fell into place. And I am so grateful to be on this journey.
Kierkegaard said, “Life must be lived forward but understood backwards,” which I think is true for all of us. Looking back on my life, I grew spiritually much more from doing something wrong then from doing something right. I have had times when I was centered and had a God-directed life, but then life threw me unexpected difficulties, as it does for ALL of us. At that point, I would begin to forget about relying on God, and continuing to do my morning or daily prayers, and pretty soon I would be “off the beam.” Here is what I learned: I have to be gentle with myself, realizing I just had major surgery or a difficult loss, and then realizing that I was simply a spiritual being having a very human experience. My life is “catapulted into a new dimension” more from difficult times than from the good times. I find myself more grateful for the moments of hopelessness and despair as they lead me to deeper joy.
I don’t know about you but during this season of Thanksgiving, I always have to remember the importance of an “attitude of gratitude” and also that I am powerless over everything, even small daily irritations like the drivers that go under the speed limit on Arapahoe Road. And I need to realize that I am not any more important than anyone else, even those whom I judge. If I spend my day looking for the lessons that God is putting in front of me and the God “shots,” I will have a day full of smiles, laughter, and a deeper connection to my Higher Power.
God, Please keep my eyes and heart focused on you today, to live your word in all that I do and say, and to be the light and love that we find from you. Amen
