You can listen to this week’s Devotional here
Author: Amy Ostwald
“You told me the most important thing about life is to know who you are, which I think is true many years later, and to allow things to appear. Don’t force things.”
— Scott Yoo, in thanking his mentor Yo-Yo Ma for some helpful advice
In our family home, there are several framed photos of me as a girl. All of them are carefully posed shots – I am looking straight into the camera and smiling as instructed. I know that girl well. But today on Facebook I see a friend’s post which includes a candid photo of my 16-year-old self that I have never seen before. She is almost a stranger to me, and I am inexplicably captivated. I examine her closely as if this image contains a clue to the mystery of who I am today.
The setting is a backyard wedding reception, the first I’d ever attended. The bride has just tossed her bouquet to the single ladies in attendance. One young woman is especially eager – jumping with exuberance to ensure that she will be the next bride, a wide gleeful grin on her face. I am standing back, watching.
I am wearing a 1970’s “flower-child” dress, a homemade copy of something I had seen at the mall. I remember being aware that it somehow wasn’t as stylish as the dresses the older girls wore. I felt girlish and awkward next to these young women.
My younger self seems to know it is not yet her time to jump for a bridal bouquet. I can see her shyness . . . but she also seems fascinated by this glimpse into what her future might hold. Will this ever be me? she wonders. How does this happen? She is full of innocence, standing on the cusp of womanhood, secretly eager to open the next door.
My heart goes out to this girl in the photo. She has no idea what life will bring her, and she is unprepared. I want to take her aside to let her know that she will have great adventures with both joys and sorrows. I want to explain that much in life will be out of her control . . . and that forcing things doesn’t work very well. It is best to be true to who she is and to let things appear, I would say. I imagine taking her into my arms and assuring her that God will always be at her side.
Staring at this photo of my young self, I slowly become aware that my 66-year-old self needs to hear these same words and rest in God’s embrace. A prayer rises from this awareness:
O God, I place myself in your love. Deepen my self-knowledge and give me courage to be true to who I am. Instead of trying to force my course, may I gracefully allow things to appear. I trust that you will be my guide as life unfolds.
AMEN