Author: Amy Ostwald
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. 27 And God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. Romans 8:26-27 New Revised Standard Version (NRSV)
I had a wonderful yoga teacher when I lived in Austin. Yoga with Beth helped me get through some difficult challenges during those years.
A few months ago I learned that Beth was fighting cancer. I resolved to buy her a very nice card with a thank you message and a message wishing her well with her battle for health. I had trouble in the card shops, though. I didn’t like the pre-printed messages; I wanted something more personal– but the pictures on the blank cards never seemed right, either. I finally settled for a blank one with a boring floral print.
I began to think about what sort of message I might write. It should express gratitude, giving some specifics. It should express empathy but not presume to know exactly how she felt. It should contain hope but not Polly-Anna-ish hope. It should accept reality but be open to the miraculous. It should express my care and love and let her know that I hadn’t forgotten her.
I had in mind that my message would be perfect. Beth would read the card and it would make her feel stronger and optimistic and maybe even happy for a few moments. I took my time, because a perfect message takes forever to write…But unfortunately, Beth didn’t have forever. I got word that she passed away before I ever wrote that perfect card. I was heart-broken.
This week I had a re-run opportunity, the kind that some of us slow learners seem to need. I heard that one of my daughter’s favorite elementary teachers, Mr. Guy, had entered Hospice care and was suffering from colon cancer. This time, I decided to not waste any time; I would write an electronic message to this beloved man through the Caring Bridge website. I sat down to write the perfect message… But it wouldn’t come.
My perfectionism was getting in the way of my intention to express my care and love. I knew I had to let go. If the Holy Spirit can intercede to help us pray with sighs too deep for words, maybe it could add a big deep sigh of love to my small words. In a moment of trust, I typed my message, noted the many imperfections, took a deep breath, and pressed “SEND.”
Mr. Guy died the next day. I have never regretted sending that imperfect message.
Prayer: O God, help us to trust that your Spirit will accompany our imperfect words and help carry the deepest intentions of our hearts.
